The Wet Fart- Glossary of Poo

Poop, and all of the disgusting ways it comes out, becomes an obsession for new parents. 

We have experienced the:
wet fart- tiny "left over" poo that splatters an area the size of a dime inside the diaper

cheese whiz- what my mother coined my son's regular poos, actually somewhat accurate (gross? well, you shouldn't eat cheese whiz anyway, it isn't cheese)

blow out- diaper actually falling off the baby's bottom due to sheer volume of poo

long range missile- (happens only while naked during diaper change)  poo shoots out of baby's bottom, (while the parent is holding the legs up to position a new diaper thus giving it extra thrust) this poo goes airborne handing several feet away or directly on the shirt of the parent doing the diapering

sacred-  poo squirted loudly and proudly while baby is receiving a blessing from the Pastor

concentrated evil- poo that finally comes out after baby has been "backed up" for 4 or more days


And we've been warned about, but have yet to witness, the:

submarine-poo squirted while baby is immersed in bath water ( any day now I'm sure)

mud mask- poo that slides out of diaper and gets on baby's head, hands or, God forbid, face

 Ewwww.