Spit Up

AKA the wet burp, cousin of the wet fart

There is nothing hotter than feeling spit up hit your chest and slide down your cleavage. Also hot, being too tired to care and wiping it quickly with whatever happens to be around, your sheets for instance (you'll wash them later, really). 

The Wet Fart- Glossary of Poo

Poop, and all of the disgusting ways it comes out, becomes an obsession for new parents. 

We have experienced the:
wet fart- tiny "left over" poo that splatters an area the size of a dime inside the diaper

cheese whiz- what my mother coined my son's regular poos, actually somewhat accurate (gross? well, you shouldn't eat cheese whiz anyway, it isn't cheese)

blow out- diaper actually falling off the baby's bottom due to sheer volume of poo

long range missile- (happens only while naked during diaper change)  poo shoots out of baby's bottom, (while the parent is holding the legs up to position a new diaper thus giving it extra thrust) this poo goes airborne handing several feet away or directly on the shirt of the parent doing the diapering

sacred-  poo squirted loudly and proudly while baby is receiving a blessing from the Pastor

concentrated evil- poo that finally comes out after baby has been "backed up" for 4 or more days


And we've been warned about, but have yet to witness, the:

submarine-poo squirted while baby is immersed in bath water ( any day now I'm sure)

mud mask- poo that slides out of diaper and gets on baby's head, hands or, God forbid, face

 Ewwww.